Important Christmas topic!

Hey out there all you people who aren't reading my blog!

I have an important Christmas topic to discuss. It is a toilet topic, so all those kids too young to read this, leave right now! The topic is: Toilet Right of Way or Toilet Order of Precedence, or Toilet Chain of Command.

In other words, who has the right of way when there is a traffic jam on the way to the bathroom? Does dad always win out because he's the boss, or does mom win out for the same reason? Of course it depends on your household and who you ask as to who's the boss, but is there another way to determine who gets dibs on the bathroom when there is any doubt?

There are extenuating factors to consider. Such as pregnant women - they obviously have the right of way in any traffic jam when going: to the bathroom, to the refrigerator, or to the medicine cabinet.

Another element to consider is how bad someone has to go. For instance, someone walking to the bathroom while bent over, with knees pressed close together, and emitting moaning sounds would probably take precedence over someone who is walking upright. Someone running as fast as they can, with a hand over their mouth, making gagging noises, should be able to go in front of anyone who doesn't like to smell like someone just... well, we'll skip those details.

A very important factor to think about, is the number of bathrooms available. All of the above situations are indirectly proportional to the number of bathrooms in the house. If I lived in a house with 5 bathrooms, and someone was doing the hold and hop towards the bathroom closest to me, I would have no problem shutting the bathroom door in the face of hoppy and telling her to hobble over to the next available place of business. If there was only one bathroom and I was right about to close the door, I would gracefully give way to the mad dasher in need of a place to relax.

So, I think that in a normal situation in my house, if I am in front of you and you feel the need to precede me to the library/game room, then you better be more determined and stronger than me to gain entrance before I close the door for privacy. If however, you are hopping knock kneed while your hands are stopping the dyke from leaking, I will consider moving out of your way and I may decide make the trek to our other bathroom.

What does this have to do with Christmas? Well on Christmas day, how many people will be with you in one house after just consuming many cans of soda, or glasses of water/tea/coffee, and how many bathrooms will there be in that place of residence?

Sure, women will tell you the etiquette for eating, such as where to put your elbows, and what to do with the hand you're not using while you keep your elbows off the table and don't slouch and I can't believe how much food you just put in your mouth and didn't your mother teach you any manners. Who, however will discuss bathroom etiquette? Men will, that's who.

Right now, no one else is up, so I have free reign over the bathroom. I think I will go and occupy it just because I can. Sometimes men need to feel like we're in charge. Its the little things that count. Well, I'm off. I have some reading to do, and then I will play a handheld game of Yahtzee. Because I can (in the can).