Important Christmas topic!

Hey out there all you people who aren't reading my blog!

I have an important Christmas topic to discuss. It is a toilet topic, so all those kids too young to read this, leave right now! The topic is: Toilet Right of Way or Toilet Order of Precedence, or Toilet Chain of Command.

In other words, who has the right of way when there is a traffic jam on the way to the bathroom? Does dad always win out because he's the boss, or does mom win out for the same reason? Of course it depends on your household and who you ask as to who's the boss, but is there another way to determine who gets dibs on the bathroom when there is any doubt?

There are extenuating factors to consider. Such as pregnant women - they obviously have the right of way in any traffic jam when going: to the bathroom, to the refrigerator, or to the medicine cabinet.

Another element to consider is how bad someone has to go. For instance, someone walking to the bathroom while bent over, with knees pressed close together, and emitting moaning sounds would probably take precedence over someone who is walking upright. Someone running as fast as they can, with a hand over their mouth, making gagging noises, should be able to go in front of anyone who doesn't like to smell like someone just... well, we'll skip those details.

A very important factor to think about, is the number of bathrooms available. All of the above situations are indirectly proportional to the number of bathrooms in the house. If I lived in a house with 5 bathrooms, and someone was doing the hold and hop towards the bathroom closest to me, I would have no problem shutting the bathroom door in the face of hoppy and telling her to hobble over to the next available place of business. If there was only one bathroom and I was right about to close the door, I would gracefully give way to the mad dasher in need of a place to relax.

So, I think that in a normal situation in my house, if I am in front of you and you feel the need to precede me to the library/game room, then you better be more determined and stronger than me to gain entrance before I close the door for privacy. If however, you are hopping knock kneed while your hands are stopping the dyke from leaking, I will consider moving out of your way and I may decide make the trek to our other bathroom.

What does this have to do with Christmas? Well on Christmas day, how many people will be with you in one house after just consuming many cans of soda, or glasses of water/tea/coffee, and how many bathrooms will there be in that place of residence?

Sure, women will tell you the etiquette for eating, such as where to put your elbows, and what to do with the hand you're not using while you keep your elbows off the table and don't slouch and I can't believe how much food you just put in your mouth and didn't your mother teach you any manners. Who, however will discuss bathroom etiquette? Men will, that's who.

Right now, no one else is up, so I have free reign over the bathroom. I think I will go and occupy it just because I can. Sometimes men need to feel like we're in charge. Its the little things that count. Well, I'm off. I have some reading to do, and then I will play a handheld game of Yahtzee. Because I can (in the can).

Health and the days of chaos

It has been a few since I have posted. Not that anyone is reading this.

My health really broke down around Thanksgiving, and I have just recently felt recovered, although a lingering cough is there.

Man, things really get chaotic when both parents get sick. I can't even imagine what it is like with single parent families. Add in to the mix a sick baby, and you have days of chaos, where everyone is just hanging on, waiting for things to get better.

Well, things are better at the Dumbacher household. The chaos is fading and giving way as we force order into our daily lives. Chaos will always be waiting to take hold when we aren't vigilant. For now, though, order is restored to our little kingdom.

Thanksgiving and sleep

There is a direct correlation between Thanksgiving and sleeping. At least those are my memories. Not that my family ever needed an excuse to sleep. I have one sister who vibrates while sitting still, but even she can be coaxed into a mid-fall's nap. My wife however, finds sleeping incredibly boring, which is a concept I just can't conceive. Sleep is very exciting to me.

Even triptophan is not enough to knock her out. Not even a pile of dishes which need to be put off until later will make her sleepy. For me - and you can ask my dad for confirmation - the mere mention of chores that need to be done makes me sleepy.

Here are some things that make me sleepy:

Watching football, chores, conversations about feelings, conversations about conversations about feelings, conversations about conversations I don't remember (again), movies with plots about "relationships", getting too much sleep, sugar high letdowns, being sick on a holiday (which I am today - my in-laws were treated to the lovely sound of me snoring from the floor earlier), strategy games, math, studying, listening to instructors drone on about nothing, meetings, and turkey.

Okay, pretty much everything makes me sleepy, but Thanksgiving, which includes several of the things listed above, is especially sleepy to me. I have many fond memories of laying around doing nothing with my family. Something my family does well, and drives some people I know crazy.

I have a new saying lately: Chaos, like wine, is good in small doses. I think the same is true of insanity. It is good in small doses. Sleep, however should come in large doses and often.

I must be really cool

I am now one of the chosen few. One of the ultra cool. Ultra Chic.

I am sitting at Panera typing on my laptop sipping on an iced green tea. Could I possibly be any cooler? I'll bet people are looking at me and thinking, "Man, he is cool."

Of course there is probably someone nearby with an internet packet monitor, recording all of my passwords and other information on this unsecured wireless network, but I'm really cool.

Actually what I am doing is studying for a test. Yes, I am in my late thirties, and back in school. Apparently, my first BS degree was exactly that - b.s. Now I am trying for another degree. Hmmm. Not so cool. Well I guess I should actually study. I should probably get off this network too, before all my bank accounts are drained, and my computer's hard rive starts to sizzle, because of the viruses that were just planted in my memory.

Be careful. There might be some planted in this post, lurking like an agent of homeland security.

Oh, man, now I just attracted the attention of the government. I will soon be getting strange lurking emails, and telephone calls in the middle of the night.

Ahhhhh!


Have a great day.

Multitasking

Who says men can't multitask? Tonight I watched TV and shopped on my laptop for rollerblade wheels. Now, I am blogging and watching Numbers. Cool show. It strikes a blow for geeks everywhere. Geeks can solve crimes. I mean, don't put a gun in his hands, but he can track you down with mathematical theories and probabilities. Way cool.



Hey! Reference to the last post. I just discovered the spell checker for posts.



Now I will try pictures. The picture to the right cracks me up. It is a featherless chicken, bred that way for hot climates. Ha, ha, hee, hee. Can you imagine trying to catch a chicken lathered down with sunblock? Truly strange.

First Blog

Nothing creative or exciting here. Just getting the page set up. Let us know of any tips or any ideas for setting up this blog.

The Dumbachers welcome you to our world. Being inside our minds can be scary. But you get used to it after a while, much like horror flicks. After a while, you stop having those bad dreams.

We are defined as us. Us live in Fort Wayne, IN. While everyone in Fort Wayne seems to dream of moving out to the country, someday in a log cabin, us dreams of moving to a bigger city (not NY big, mind) in an older (not run down) neighborhood with quirky houses .

Anyway check here occasionally (do blogs have spell checkers I wonder?) and us'n's will have family news for us's relatives, and maybe us will opine a time or two about things that really get us's gander, whatever that means.

Enjoy!